By Jacob Katel
Joey Diaz has a voice like a New Jersey mob boss. He’s a 3-decade veteran of stand-up comedy who has worked with the likes of Rodney Dangerfield, Paul Mooney, and Adam Sandler. Joe Rogan calls him “the funniest man alive.” He’s been in films like BASEketball, Spider-Man two and the 2005 remake of The Longest Yard. But factors didn’t start off out so glamorously. Diaz utilized to be broke and even had to crash on fellow stand-up Doug Stanhope’s couch. Today, he headlines shows across the United States and is the host of the extremely effective podcast The Church of What’s Taking place Now. We caught up with Diaz to get his take on the smoke in Aspen, the globe-popular Comedy Retailer, rolling joints on Greyhound buses and significantly much more.
Congratulations on all your achievement-in stand-up and with the podcast.
Thank you extremely significantly. I worked tough and I’m type of extremely fortunate in a way, so I’m thankful.
What was your 1st practical experience in stand-up comedy?
The 1st time I got on stage was at the Comedy Performs in Denver on June 18,1991.
How was the weed in Aspen in the ’80s?
The weed in Aspen was fucking tremendous. When I moved to Colorado in 1983, they have been currently finding weed from Humboldt County. I utilized to have a buddy named Kato, white dude from Ohio. Excellent, very good dude. And he was a weed connoisseur like me. lie would swing by 3 instances a week with all these exotics, and 1 time he took me down to the Woody Creek Tavern. I walked in there and saw Hunter S. Thompson with Don Johnson and Bill Murray. They had the finest fucking nachos there since they utilized true East Coast chorizo. That is exactly where I was introduced to all that Humboldt County weed.
How does that evaluate to the weed when you have been expanding up?
In New York City, all we got was Thai Stick, Panama Gold, Colombian Gold, Panama Red and this Lamb’s Bread that the Jamaicans would sell, which was good. In [the Netflix series] Narcos, it explains the birth of sin-semilla with Rafa Quintero and all that stuff. And I nonetheless don’t forget that taking more than New York. We utilized to get weed on 148 th amongst Broadway and Amsterdam, and they had a company card with small punch holes. Each time you purchased a bag, you got a punch hole. So each and every 10 instances you went, you got a no cost bag. You could either get the Lamb’s Bread or the sinsemilla, or they would mix them collectively and contact it the Master Mix.
Exactly where are you finding pot now?
Urban Treez in Studio City, CA, since of the strength of the reefers. They’re constantly throwing 35 % to .31 %, 32 % TIIC… And it is just a gorgeous location and facility.
How did you start off your podcast, The Church of What’s Taking place Now?
I was on Joe Rogan’s podcast a couple of instances, and I actually began the podcast to inform people today my story. That is what the podcast is to me, to clarify to you who the fuck I am. When I worked promoting vehicles in Boulder, CO, there was a manager there that actually influenced me. He was a sharp guy. He was a biker. Half the year, he would get on a Harley, and I feel he sold meth about the nation. He taught me how to sell. That was appropriate just before I got locked up in 1987. He taught me how to deal with myself. How to stroll. How to just be a man. He utilized to say, “Always shine your footwear. You can not sell a $10,000 car with a pair of $10 footwear.” And one more issue he utilized to constantly say was, “Listen. When you are with me, you are right here for the Church of What’s Taking place Now. I do not give a fuck about yesterday or tomorrow. What are you gonna do nowadays?” That was his key issue. So when the podcast came up that is what I known as it.
A lot of performers are impacted by anxiousness. How do you cope with it?
I reside in anxiousness. I nonetheless get anxious just before I go onstage. I have medication that I neglect to take. And that is what I use the CBD for. Often I also lake it at evening to go to sleep. I rotate it. I can not take sleeping tablets since of my sleep apnea. Nothing at all puts you to sleep greater than a fucking edible. But I quit consuming edibles so my sleep was outta whack for a whilst. I began working with a CBD spray an hour just before I went to bed and I sleep like a fucking child.
What produced you hold going with comedy when instances got challenging?
I feel it was two factors. For 1, I actually had nowhere else to go. Regardless of whether I had to sleep in my vehicle or what ever, I had nowhere else to go. And quantity two, no matter what was going down, I was at the Comedy Retailer. The globe-popular Comedy Retailer in Los Angeles. I was a typical at the globe-popular Comedy Retailer, and I was produced a typical by Mitzi Shore, the owner. No bullshit, no absolutely nothing. So it was such a higher honor for me that, how can I quit? 1 had currently place eight years of my life into it, and that is the longest I had ever carried out something. I in no way stuck with something. And right here I was at the finest comedy club in the nation with the finest comics about me. Ahead of comedy, I had been robbing drug dealers, I had carried out time, I had a GED, I had a felony, I had no other path but comedy, so when Mitzi Shore produced me a typical, it changed my fucking life. Often you have very good days and poor days. But you gotta get up, brush your fucking shirt, get a Cuban steak sandwich and go back out there. You got no time to bleed. Tit’s like the Cuban saying] “Ponte la pila.” That suggests “Put your batteries in.” Reduce the shit, cease fucking about, ponte la pila, cojones.
I heard anything about you smoking weed with a medical doctor?
I snorted coke with a medical doctor [laughs]. Yes, I did smoke weed with a medical doctor 1 time on a ski lift in Colorado. 3 of us got on a lift and we have been speaking on the way up. These physicians, I could inform they have been up to anything, and the 1 medical doctor looked at me—this is 1983 or ’84—he goes, “You thoughts if I spark up a joint?” And I go, “No. I do not thoughts. I got 1 as well.” And we got stoned on the lift. It was 1 of these ones exactly where the doors close. Nicely, when they fucking opened these doors the smoke came rolling out of there and the people today have been all searching at us, but it was fucking Colorado so no one actually stated dick, ya know?
We smoked two joints and then we went our separate techniques like Journey. The altitude tends to make you fucked-up. The 1st time I smoked a bong hit in Aspen, I fucking passed out. We have been smoking in an apartment on major of the Paragon Bar. The guy that sings “Mar-garitaville,” it was his bar downstairs and there was an apartment upstairs. This was my 1st weekend in Aspen. It had to be April of 1983. I went upstairs and I was sitting on the windowsill and they had a bong and they go, “Do you want the bong?” And I go, “Yeah, give me the bong.” And they go, “Listen, we do not feel you need to smoke the bong.” And I’m like, “Gimme that fucking issue. I’m from New York City.” Subsequent issue you know I woke up, I was bleeding from my head and the bong was broken. So you gotta be cautious up on the higher altitudes.
Would you ever develop your personal?
No. I do not know absolutely nothing about that shit and I do not wanna know. I leave that shit to the pros.
What innovations are you seeing in the weed sector?
Oh my God. 1 really like it. I really like that like appropriate now I’m not even consuming an edible, I’m consuming a eapsule that appears like vitamin E and has no taste and is produced with like 98 % TMC and they place you the fuck out. We began 10 years ago with chocolate brownies. If I ate a brownie each and every day, I’d have fucking diabetes appropriate now. When you consume edibles, you gotta watch the calories. So I got these tablets about a month ago. A corporation came to 1 of my shows in LA and gave me a bottle and they’re fucking phenomenal. I do not even know the name of the corporation. But appear how far it is gone from brownies to a small capsule. My niece’s boyfriend is a scientist and he lives in Nashville, and he came out and did a handful of job interviews and he stated, “You have no thought what they’re establishing. Specifically in the vapor sector.” They’re gonna make vapors so fucking powerful, people today are gonna start off losing eyes. Like, your eyes are gonna pop out, that is how higher the fucking vapors are gonna get. You are gonna see much more cross-eyed motherfuckers in America than any time in history. I like powerful weed, so hold producing it stronger.
What do you feel about CBD?
Correct now, I just went and purchased two bottles of CBD water. I went to jujitsu yesterday and kickboxing this morning. I’m 56 and all the things hurts on me. Even my fucking toenails hurt, so I’ve gotta drink a bottle of CBD water. Folks in the rest of the nation that do not have CBD do not know the advantages. But after you attempt it, you are like, “Now I know why these motherfuckers are hiding this.” It is fucking tremendous. I use it in protein shakes. I use it in my coffee. I drink it all day. Something I can make with water, I use CBD water.
Would you like to have your personal strain?
Yeah. If I discovered anything that was actually powerful, and I liked it, and I believed people today would like it… and if I could hold the costs low. If I could uncover anything like that, definitely. But it is gotta be fucking powerful, you know what I’m saying? I want the Yelp web page to have people today missing eyeballs and ending up in emergency rooms and shit. Like, “I smoked Joey’s weed and this is what occurred to me.”
What was the finest weed you ever smoked?
Ideal weed I ever smoked was a couple years ago, there was a retailer in Hollywood. I neglect what the fuck it was known as. It is closed now, but it became extremely preferred and grew extremely quickly. They went from just becoming an workplace to getting 3 floors. They had this weed known as Third Eye that was so fucking very good that I went and I stocked up on it and I told Ari Shaffir to stock up on it. Only 3 of us stocked up on it—me, Ari and Ralphie May well, rest in peace. That weed was so fucking very good, it was killing motherfuckers. It produced me really feel like when I got higher when I was 14. You can not speak, you can not cease consuming, your eyes get red, you are hearing like a siren in your ears. As soon as you hear that weeeoeoee in your ears, you are fucking carried out.
What do you favor, indica or sativa?
What’s your favored city to execute in?
That is not even a very good query for me since I really like them all. Each fucking city in this nation. I really like performing in DC, fucking Philadelphia’s tremendous. Buffalo is excellent. Cleveland is excellent. You know what pisses me off? When people today attempt to have 1 up on you since they traveled the globe. A single issue that I have more than them is that I traveled the nation. I saw the beauty of this nation from fucking Bellingham, WA, all the way to Mobile, AL. I’ve fucking been there. So the rest of the globe can suck my dick. We’re in the most gorgeous nation. I have all the things right here. I can ski. I can go to the mountains. I can consume fucking BBQ in 4 distinctive states. I’ve been to each and every nook and cranny in this nation. By plane, by bus… The longest Greyhound I took was New York to Dallas. An express. I lived it. Low cost tiekets. And if inexpensive tickets have been as well pricey, then it was Greyhound like a motherfucker. You roll 3 or 4 joints in a container with some fucking Visine and some cologne and at each and every cease on the bus you get out and do 3 hits. You place the joint back in your factors and that is it, no one knows absolutely nothing.
How did you 1st turn into fascinated by the Mafia?
What do you imply? When I saw a guy get beat up in the Bronx when 1 was 5 by two Italian guys. And then after I saw The Godfather, it cemented it for me. But when I was a kid and 1st came from Cuba, my mother had a dry-cleaning company in the Bronx and it was Mafia territory. At 1st, I believed they have been Cubans since of the way they would speak I could realize what they have been saying, but they have been Sicilians. And then after I saw The Godfather and moved to New Jersey, then I saw it all about me.
How’d you come up with your ticket-pricing technique?
Listen, the loved ones appropriate now, we’re finding fucked from each and every angle. I’m a fucking thief by nature. But if I wanna rob ya, I’ll place a gun to your fucking head. I do not wanna rob people today. I want people today to have a very good practical experience, and I know they have to spend for gasoline, a babysitter, they ordinarily go out to dinner, you got reefer expense. It is not just the ticket. So I constantly want a blue-collar audience, and that is how I set my ticket value. I’m a blue-collar guy. I drive a Subaru. I reside extremely modestly and I do not give a fuck about the Joneses. I in no way have. The Joneses can suck my dick.
This function was published in the May well, 2019 concern of Higher Occasions magazine. Subscribe appropriate right here.